XMAS Humor <OT>

[Collins Richey]

This one cracked me up. Merry Christmas you rednecked ......s.


From:    Santa  Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve
the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina,
Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the
overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated
by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and
better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep
that
in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands
with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my
goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few
differences between us. Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave RC
cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit
can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead
of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on
Elliott and Petty."

5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to
hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and
"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and  the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
patrol cars crashing into each other.

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus



-- 
Collins Richey
     If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries
     of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.