[OT] Instructions for unsubscribing to mailing lists

[Tim Wunder]

My wife is on a mailing list, after someone posted a question as to how to 
unsubscribe, this was the first response:

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: unsubscribing

The new Unsubscribe System mandates that each person who wishes to 
unsubscribe from a list, fill out *in triplicate* a Form UnSub-183-L. This 
*must* be done in hard copy.  This form is then mailed to the Internet 
Unsubscription Bureau (IUB) in Tuscola, Illinois.

Upon receipt of Form UnSub-183-L, the IUB will then prepare Form PU-876e, 
the "Petition for Unsubscription" which must then be mailed to the ISUPC 
(Internet Subscription -- Unsubscription Profiling Center) in Ludwig, 
Florida, which will conduct a thorough personal investigation of The 
Candidate for Unsubscription, which usually takes 6 to 8 weeks; unless 
there's a recount. The cost of this investigation, is usually around $300 to 
$500, and it must be paid for by The Candidate for Unsubscription, with the 
payment being sent to the (Internet Fee Processing Center) IFPC in Detroit, 
Michigan. All payments must be made in Krugerrands. No personal checks or 
credit cards are accepted.

If all goes well with the personal investigation, The Candidate will receive 
Form STS-9387233, the Summons for Termination of Subscription Hearing. These 
hearings are held in one of three regional Locations throughout the country: 
Nome, Alaska -- Hilo, Hawaii -- and Key West, Florida. However hearings held 
in Florida are subject to many, many appeals so you might want to opt to 
have the jurisdiction moved to one of the other locations. Your personal 
attendance at these hearings is mandatory.

The Candidate for Unsubscription is advised to bring legal representation 
with him or her to this hearing. A few people have managed to successfully 
represent themselves all the way to a successful unsubscription,
but it's a rare occasion when they prevail without an attorney to represent 
their interests.

At the hearing, a federal magistrate will hear the evidence and pleas 
regarding the Petition for Unsubscription and make a decision as to whether 
or not to proceed with the hearing or order a continuance until additional 
information can be processed. If the Petition to unsubscribe is found worthy 
of consideration a court date will be set, usually within a six month 
period. Of course, The Candidate for Unsubscription can expect a fairly 
rigorous cross-examination by the prosecutors. Many searching,
embarrassing questions will be asked which might include: "If you could 
manage to scrape enough brain cells together to subscribe to a list, what 
happened when you decided to unsubscribe?" "What the heck is the matter with 
you?" or "Are you brain dead?" Then, of course, there's the Big One, "Can't 
you read instructions?"

Depending on how the trial proceeds, many different things can happen, 
including a mistrial or a hung jury, which will result in entering the 
appeals process {and you know how the Florida appeals system works}, or
jailing and torture of The Candidate for Unsubscription in a South American 
prison. These topics will be covered in a later edition of this newsletter.

Or you could just send a blank email to:
popuptrailercamping-unsubscribe at yahoogroups.com